Wednesday, December 15, 2010

How am I?

Now,
that when she said
how was I
I'm in no mood to reply
It's not a punishment
for what she's done
or not a excuse I want
for not talking to her
What was she thinking
when she waited for that
hollow wood to burn to ashes
what point does she wants
to make
by asking now
that how was I doing

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The charm of the world

The face the earth
Every watching eye of the time
The things we create
From the thing that create
The place of the life
The place of the death
Unseen and seen
Mysteries folding and unfold
The face of the earth
The charm of the world

Fallen angel

A late warm evening it was
Under the beautiful sky
As I lay
Whispering with the stars
A mountain of feeling
Growing inside
As the ship of fools
Watched a Lunatic
Sing with the whispering stars
Dancing to the melody
The fire flies made
Across the
blue sky walked a
Fair lady
As beautiful as one can be
With the falling stars of
That vast skies
He watched a goddess of beauty smile
When the dark blue sky froze
Upon the
Steps of fallen angel

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The morning sun

With a silent smile from the
Morning sun
I've rented a heart to
Shelter for
Floating above
The
Clear blue skies
With a view below
Stunning scene
But the picture
Here speaks louder than words
The previous precious face
Pierces harder than swords

The morning sun
Makes old memories fresh
Drying away the tears
Leaving stains on my face


Monday, November 15, 2010

A choice

It was not a choice I made
I was made to do
The situation made me do it
The time running out
And the mistakes were too much
For me to handle
And every step I walk
Is another mistake I make
For that
I had to make a choice
Erase few things
Erase few things

Interwoven thoughts

Under the rainy sky  
I walk with watery eye 
I wet my self in tears 
The only one I cry 
My heart is something 
Different now Urging me to fly 
Manipulating my  
Brains 
For the feelings that I write 
Into the rain I smile now 
The rain, to me, the wind brought 
As I walk the lonely, rain filled road 
As I’m trying to wear off and write a word 
About the inter woven thoughts

Smile forever

Smile forever  
Fly free 
Stretch your wings! 
For there’s a long way to go!  
A lot of things to learn 
A lot, may be to remember 
A lot, may be you forget! 
But smile forever 
My friend  
For there is hope at the end of this road 
There’s freedom at the end of the road 
So smile my friends

I’ll write it down, and just leave her to rest

Oh, 
now with the morning sun’s arrival  
A new dawn, and the sparkling green grass 
Upon the sun, rest the earth’s survival  
A poet praising through wet window glass  
Birds chirping, wind slowly blowing away 
Sun silently rises above, the skies 
Bright rays of light, indicating the day  
Hungry little ones weep, the mother flies 
The sky is filled with beautiful blue cloud 
It’s as lively as it could have ever been  
The beauty speaks to me, almost loud  
And splendor is like few have ever seen  
I stay away, but praising her to the best  
I’ll write it down, and just leave her to rest

With the empty glass in my hand

Silently on a wooden chair 
Raising a toast to me 
Memories, swings around  
The soft warm air
 It’s not hard anymore 
Not with a glass in my hand  
Every thing’s still the same 
But the time’s is moving  
Forward back 
And with pictures still in the wall 
It’s hurt sometimes, but not now 
Not with a broken glass  
I’m here thinking about 
Those days spent 
And those that I am spending 
And the difference seem  
To fade away with a glass in my hand  
But the music seems to fade away  
So does the remedy in the glass 
The time seems to fade away 
And slowly does the memories 
With the empty glass in my hand

Everyday

I know what those pictures are for 
That you change around almost every day 
You know that I've built a house of my own 
You know that I've blocked the sun 
I've lost the will to burn myself 
I've lost the will to walk 
But,  still there's a part of me that searches you 
Almost everyday Just to look at that pictures  
That you change around almost every day   
I know what those pictures are for 
I know what do you want  
Even though the wind has blown away  
The last dried leaf of hope that I had 
You know what I'm made off 
You know what I live off  
You know me more that 
I ever should have let you 
And I love you more than you ever should have let me 
And there's nothing 
I can do So can't you  
But If the heart ever silently speaks to you 
Of the pain that I endure when I have to see 
The guy who's holding you 
 Almost everyday 
But you know that  
No matter what I will 
Do what you want me to do  
Almost everyday   
Just to look at that pictures  
That you change around almost every day

Spectacular

A time
few words
inside the
empty mind
creeping along the
darkness
that you've been blowing
through the whole time
we've been together
now that you have left
the clouds have found me
the sky is my shelter
the stars are my friend
and i'm in love with the nature
a metaphor
i use
i see you where
i look
i look where i can see you
And the sky is my shelter

and the stars are my friend
i write across the dark blue sky
and i draw your face with the stars
and if you were with me today
i wish this moment would be
spectacular
just like the face I've drawn
in the sky
with the ever shinning stars
Oh! So spectacular

Thursday, November 4, 2010

A theory

There are lots of things that the human wonder about in life. Some of them may be reasonable some not, and some may be unreasonable yet be a question to wonder about and at last be the most reasonable one. One of such question is about how and from where the earth that we live in today came from. Was there a beginning of the earth? So did someone really created it as we have been told since the childhood. A powerful being with no evidences of existence termed as the “God” created the earth in a stroke according to some religion and the “God” with almost same power as the other “Counterpart” needed 7 days to create the earth. (Could have done in a stroke, if he could have done it in 7 days?!!). It does remain a mystery and I think it will forever. Is there really not a single way to explain all those things we are adapted with? That are not normal, and we call them supernatural. Everything needs to have a beginning “Nothing can come from nothing”, that holds true, which means everything has a beginning. So must the earth. Scientifically they say it has, even according to different religion it has but the difference is of a second to 604800 sec to 5-6 billion years. Which of them can we take as the best reason for the existence that we are today and the way the earth that we live was created?

Basically, there are lots of points both, from the science and the religion. They have a story a myth or a proof of the things that they have expressed in their way they think was the best and the truth about the origin of the earth. But each of them has left a loop whole for us to peek. At some instant both of them holds true, differently from the point of view, but the same bottom line. There’s something that the religion says and something that science proves, yet we can go on with the proofs the science has made and it’s always hard to believe the unseen story of the supernatural invincible “God”.

Science says and the scientists believe that the earth was formed some 5-6 billion years ago. There were nothing but miles and miles and tons of clouds of cosmic dust and gases which eventually condensed forming the earth, which was believed to be so hot that it took some 100 of millions years to cool. A big bang what as we have learnt now is what resulted the hot mass of earth. May be it was separated from the sun, or anything any other earthly object having definite mass. I do accept the fact that earth had a beginning, whether it was a big bang or even a small bang or normal bang or even no bang or it just separated of some other heavenly body, and life evolved the way the science has said it was, after the earth was cooled down.

If the earth was separated from some thing then, a small part of that “something” is the world we live in. And if the earth didn’t separate from such heavenly body and rather formed its self after the condensation of the cosmic clouds. The gases settling down, the lighter remained at the top, then immediately beneath the medium and then the heavier gases ultimately forming the core of the earth. There’s nothing not to believe in that. It might just be true. They might has condensed and resulted in the earth. Condensations are now days practically proved and we can just see them on daily basis. But the thing that puzzles me the most is where exactly the gases did came from at the first place? From other heavenly bodies, if it’s so then from where the other heavenly body came from, the condensations? For them to have the condensation they might need some gases, and I wonder from where those gases came from? Then they say the earth cooled down ultimately reached the point where the formation of life was possible. Being a student of biology and a major in microbiology, I’ve read the sentence that I’m about to hundreds of time and always I’ve wondered about it and the thing that I am about to relate it to.

The first few thing we learn when we start the chapter “Evolution” is that “No living things can arise from non-living things” that discarded the famous “Theory of Spontaneous Generation” which of course was discarded by many scientists but the major blow came from Stanly L. Miller and Harold C. Urey in 1953. The “Urey and Miller Experiment” that once in for all settled the problem that the Theory of Spontaneous Generation was. Again, there’s nothing there that cannot be believed and said that it’s wrong, one its common sense and the next it was proved in the laboratory! They did create the environment that was believed to exist when the earth was first formed and the point where it had cooled down some 100 million years afterwards. They designed an apparatus, they added water vapors, hydrogen, methane, ammonia gas et cetera… energy was supplied in closed chamber by heating, electric discharge form electrodes, and UV and the whole setup was run for a week. As a result, products of chemical reactions were condensed and were collected in a chamber. Chemical analysis of products indicated presence of number of amino acids like glycine, alanine, asparatic etc…and certain other organic compounds such as aldehyde, simple sugar, risboe etc…ultimately forming the nucleic acids such as DNA and RNA… that proved that the life did origin in the earth and wasn’t created else where. But the problem I have with it is that how come a non-living thing like nucleic acids turn into living thing? What’s the missing link? Even the Nucleic acids within the body of living things are considered to be non-living then how come the Nucleic acids become the living part?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Time and Universe

Now, here I am talking about something that’s way out of my field and not the one that I’m about get a degree in, but I don’t need a degree or I’m not restricted to think about the things that are going around us. So it has been a mystery for ages, where did the universe come from? Where is it going? Why can we remember our past but not our future? Is there the other side? Can we move back and forth in time? All of this things are too hard for me to think of and basically I do not have the right books and papers of research or something I can get some knowledge at all to speak about. All I’m doing is extracting a small part of this. So, Time as we now call, the 24 hour period between the sun rise and the sun set. But does time really exist? If yes, does it revolve around the earth again and again just the like needle of the swiss watch that you wear? But basically it has been accepted that time is moving away from us, its going some where. space and time are fabricated, space and time are integrated, might have heard of something called space time fabric. So as the universe is expanding and moving apart from us, so is the time, time began when universe began, so as with the big bang, time has been moving along with the universe.
so the easiest way to understand it is, think of it like this; a 200 meters rope is attached to a round wood object at the one end and the open end of the rope is moving! The wooden object is stationary along the west side of a road, so the anterior open chain is moving along east side..i.e. it is expanding along the west- east side. Now lets say, at 20th meter of the rope, we keep a small toy object beneath the rope, representing us! just like the time is passing us by. In real time, we are here, sipping coffee some cold after noon and time us passing us by above us, the rope is passing by the toy above it. And lets say, the 20th meters of rope is as same as any instant of time so lets call it 1 meters of time per actual time.So, s we drink the coffee and the 20th meter’s of time passes us, and let the instant that we finished our coffee be 21th meters, then lets say the time reaches 25 meters, so that means, We had coffee some time ago…i.e. in past, but actually its moving towards the future! that is!! with time, with space…With the expanding universe!! So that would me we are moving towards our past, because we just saw our past moving along with time, simultaneously.
And, it’s just a basic observation that also supports this thing! All those stars that are in the sky right now aren’t there! They are some light years away from us, i.e.the stars are so far away from us that it took such a long time for their lights to reach here, so that means they aren’t actually exactly in the place we see them they were there some 100 or 200 years ago. So, what we are looking at is the stars past, what happened there some 100 years ago, So let say, if I were to reach that star with blink of an eye I would be looking at earth’s past, but it has to be, the present, cuz it just took me a blink of an eye to reach there so basically when ill be looking from the star to the earth i will be looking at earths past! that is our present!

My view

Unedited and incomplete*

After all the hype, in the entertainment/movie world about the latest movie by James Cameroon, that Avatar is the best movie!! Though I’m not into sci-fi movies I wanted to check it myself, so I was eagerly waiting to download, of course why would I pay!! To watch a movie with not one of the genre that I prefer, so I downloaded it!

So basically the movie was about the war between the Americans and tribe of a certain planet called Pandora Na’vi . The American’s or lets say the human’s doing what they do best! That is; to steal from others so that they can have it all and not cares if other live or die, are in Pandora searching for a precious mineral called unobtanium. The natives of Pandora, the Na’vi’s are this blue alien looking organism, with their own language and unlike the Chinese and the French of course from this world!! Those Pandorians from different planet can speak some English!

Basically the plot is, Jake Sully played by Sam Worthington replaces his own brother, who was supposedly some kind of scientist researching on the Pandorans. And what the name avatar refers to is, genetically modified of human Na’vi’s that are operated via mental link of some kind. For that all Jake has to do is lie in some kind of chamber that looks like a MRI machine to us, so Jake’s avatar enters Pandora and while he’s training he is lost! And somehow, though he wasn’t supposed to survive a single night, he in fact does.

While he is lost inside the jungle, he meets this Na’vi girl Neytiri who saves her!! Just because some kind of plant seeds that looks like jelly fish comes and rest on her arrow while she was about to shoot him. But then she take him back to her home, and he was not supposed to be there, one, he didn’t belong their, two the human, as referred to as the sky people were on fight against them, but instead of putting a meter long arrow through his chest, the mother of Neytiri or the leader of those Na’vi decides to train him. And ask her daughter to train him. So she does and soon they fall in love! He learns! Their way as well, he becomes one of them. That was the main reason he was sent there to gain their trust. And when the time had come, when the sky people were ready to attack the pandorian’s for their precious unobtanium, Jake double crosses his own race and fights for the virtual world that he has been in for last few months.

The main plot supposedly took place in 2154, so may be there will be some kind of space ship and we will find some other planet with life of it!! Those guys in the Nasa are taking this thing seriously so!! We might get that those things by them. Lets say that part is realistic, but the main theme of the movie is sci-fi but, at last Jake is turned into one of the Na’vi’s by some supernatural ceremony!! With absolutely no, scientific explanation. So I was confused at last, if it was a supernatural movie or a sci fi moive!

And lastly, the movie did became the highest-grossing film surpassingTitanic, which had held the records for the previous 12 years. But I see no reason for this movie to surpass that record, may be just the hype was enough or may be the animation, by the which was 9 out of 10, that made the movie better than titanic, but for many reason I’m not sure!! If it deserves such a records!! Because titanic might sound girly and romantic, in a sense guys are not allowed to watch or love that movie! But I have watched titanic more that 5 times and I can still watch that movie again and again, but Avatar, not again! That was it!!

After all it my opinion and it may not be as according to all of the viewers but there are lots of movie that are better than this one!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

I’m happy

Floating with the waves of the melody

With smile as I fly above my past

Embracing the best memories! That we had

Wish they were here! Now!

With the person in that memory here by my side

But that would have to be a dream

For in dream, even in a dream the person

Shall be missing from the dream

But the music is too loud for me to remember

And the past is too vast

The past was too sad!

But now!! I’m happy

Floating with the waves of the melody

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I

I’m not lost, I know where I am, and where is it that I exactly stand as my carving my thoughts into words. But lately I’ve been having a feeling, may be something’s not right or it’s not going to be. But do I really care? Or should I? I’m here and with all those lights surround and unknown faces, the crying faces, as sad one could ever be in lifetime. I don’t consider me to be the saddest one; I’m by far the best one. The happiest one when I’m in front of these people. They are sad, lost, venerable, they crying, may be the guy creeping under the old scratched out SUV he’s probably mad, ten times mad than what I am. He’s talking to himself, oh wait I’m talking to myself as well. Now why do I call him mad? And I call my self mad? It’s too much for me to think I can’t I just have to get out this place and find some place where I can take the second step towards madness.

I walk for a while and there’s no silence surrounding, but I need it! More than anything I want now. I don’t want these sounds, please someone stop this!! And who is turning the lights off? It’s getting dimmer and dimmer. Someone please turn the light back on!! Oh! Who’s pulling me? Is it you mister? I don’t even know you and why are you doing this to me? Please!! Someone help me!! You mister, the guy in the black suit! Please, can’t you hear me?? And why aren’t you moving at all? Aren’t you real? And you miss? Are you real?? You standing there with a phone pressed against your ears? Are you real? Help me please! It’s pulling me! Help!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Untitled

Understanding

Reading the mind

Watching every step

As the could depart from each other

And let us see the ever blazing Sun

As the smiles bring laughter down the road

And leaves are blown away by the soft breeze

I read nature; I read the trees I read the scene

The life that nature beholds

On a random basis as I glance at the

Gestures

The joy

The excitement

Of the people I look at

And the people who do not see

My mind repeating and my hand carving the

Repeated word into letters in

The blank paper!!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

टि यू को रिजल्ट

बल्ल बल्ल दुई चार अछेर लेखेको थिए चालिस त तेही नि छुदैन नि
बच्चा जन्मिने समय भाई सक्यो हजुर रिसल्ट त अझै हुँदैन नि

अर्को बर्ष को फोर्म भरी सके, गाईड किनी तयार भइ
प्रथम बर्षको पिडा सम्जी दिमागल केही छुदैन नि
बच्चा जन्मिने समय भाई सक्यो हजुर रिसल्ट त अझै हुँदैन नि

जाच देको कहिले बिर्सिन लाये, कुन बर्ष हो म बिर्सेंए सक्ये
जिन्दगी को सवाल छ, प्रशासन त पछी रुदै न नि
बच्चा जन्मिने समय भाई सक्यो हजुर रिसल्ट त अझै हुँदैन नि

कती होउ कती समय आझै पर्खनु फैल हुने रिसल्ट लाई
सर्फ एक्सेल ले त मार्कशिट को तारा धुदै न नि
बच्चा जन्मिने समय भाई सक्यो हजुर रिसल्ट त अझै हुँदैन नि

As I walk alone

Well, even before the silence of my words was broken, the voices have been deceased inside of me. A unbreakable truth it was, but yet not hard to try, like in stairway to heaven, I wanted to be sure if the store is closed or not…and I can see the neon lights from where I stand and it seems like the store is closed and there is no sing on the wall, and there are of course no two meanings for me. Before the clouds could gather and the rain drops fell, before I searched for an umbrella or shelter, before I got wet, I’m am about to break the silence and walk away from this road and take the next turn for the lost city that I’ll probably never find. With hopes I walk alone, with images, with memories, with a name in painted with black ink in the dark red color of the beat box. May be I’ll find the music for my lyrics and the glass to hold all those tears that I’ve cried. Thousand’s of sun and moon will pass me by, while I lay inside the loop whole of my mistakes and the loneliness. It was anther chance, a new day! A new door and a new key to start a new day, but as always I was the wrong man at the wrong place, trying to figure out, when it was already a sun or two late. But at least, I’ve got few things in my head, and someone inside guiding me and telling me every second, there’s always a hope left no matter what…I’ve gathered some hope as I walk alone the next turn of this road.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

I am an Idiot

I was an idiot then, because I was wrong, a big liar I was, I was possessive, I was selfish, and I didn’t care what happened to you! I never wanted to be a responsible person; I totally didn’t care at all. I was there watching you, everything that you do. Those memories, under the sun and of course the full moon, I tried my best!! And you can’t deny that fact, but something was never enough for you! And that something I never understood, although I wanted to do that something, the last thing, I never knew where to start, there was a key in my hand but there were no doors around. I could never enter inside like I could never enter inside your heart. All those failed attempts; they were not the least that you wanted and more that I couldn’t do for you, at least for me it seemed that I walked the length of the earth for you, but no!! I didn’t, you proved it now, after hundreds of full moons and thousands of rainy nights, it took you long time to shatter the cold wet glass that was soaked from the tears that I cried all those rainy nights!

I am an Idiot

I was an idiot then, because I was wrong, a big liar I was, I was possessive, I was selfish, and I didn’t care what happened to you! I never wanted to be a responsible person; I totally didn’t care at all. I was there watching you, everything that you do. Those memories, under the sun and of course the full moon, I tried my best!! And you can’t deny that fact, but something was never enough for you! And that something I never understood, although I wanted to do that something, the last thing, I never knew where to start, there was a key in my hand but there were no doors around. I could never enter inside like I could never enter inside your heart. All those failed attempts; they were not the least that you wanted and more that I couldn’t do for you, at least for me it seemed that I walked the length of the earth for you, but no!! I didn’t, you proved it now, after hundreds of full moons and thousands of rainy nights, it took you long time to shatter the cold wet glass that was soaked from the tears that I cried all those rainy nights!

I am an Idiot

I was an idiot then, because I was wrong, a big liar I was, I was possessive, I was selfish, and I didn’t care what happened to you! I never wanted to be a responsible person; I totally didn’t care at all. I was there watching you, everything that you do. Those memories, under the sun and of course the full moon, I tried my best!! And you can’t deny that fact, but something was never enough for you! And that something I never understood, although I wanted to do that something, the last thing, I never knew where to start, there was a key in my hand but there were no doors around. I could never enter inside like I could never enter inside your heart. All those failed attempts; they were not the least that you wanted and more that I couldn’t do for you, at least for me it seemed that I walked the length of the earth for you, but no!! I didn’t, you proved it now, after hundreds of full moons and thousands of rainy nights, it took you long time to shatter the cold wet glass that was soaked from the tears that I cried all those rainy nights!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Trust

The path I choose on my individual awareness, full consciousness of my brain and the full self realization of the consequences made me realize the truth of the ground reality that I assumed to have had in the past, though something inside me made me chose that very path, which of course I should never have preferred to, while knowing what to expect from the opposite force. I put my mind, feelings, thoughts and most of all my trust unto the silent pouring rain into the shinny sands!
I walked across the perfectly laid stone, each dividing, a line, just like between us dividing them. A channel of rains drops gathering and marching into the deeps just like the river of tears that I shed for her. Everyday, every night I poured my tears into the chalice of love I thought she gave me, but when I closed my heart to miss her even when she was there in front of me, she left some sands as a symbol of her love for me, and silently with my voice, my tears of love for here were sucked up by the sand of her hate for me. Darkness roofed the radiance of my eyes everyday like a ghost inhaling my existence from the world of those intelligent human that she had her trust stamped on…but with no regrets I walk alone…

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Amnesia

A sound from some kind of device lying beside me woke me up. I took a quick breath and waited for few seconds for my vision to get clear. But as the vision got clear; I was surprised to see that I actually didn’t knew where I was. I’ve never been in this place before, never seen the canvas, an oil painting of a rather beautiful lady hanging in front of me, never ever in my life I had been in this place before. I walked up the window and looked outside, not surprisingly it was just a new place for me, beautiful but never seen.

I was really getting frightened now, so I drank some water from the glass that was silently standing on the table, like he was waiting for me to pick him up and drink the water. It was clod, almost as if someone had just poured it in from a bottle that came directly from the deep freezer. I walked towards a door, which I thought was the door to the bathroom, and the first time today I was right. I walked in and I saw someone inside, I was shocked, who is this?? And, what is he doing in my bathroom? May be not mine but one of the bathroom inside the room that I just woke up. And as I was about to speak to that man I’ve never seen in my life, who was inside the bathroom, I realized something unusual, and this time my brains were all over the floor. I wasn’t looking at someone, I was looking at the mirror, and not only I couldn’t figure out where I was, I had completely forgotten who I was. I had never seen that face before, I tried to remember who I was and I realized that I don’t even know my name…

Friday, July 30, 2010

Microbiology Practical exam!

As usual remember yourself standing outside the laboratory nervous as hell not because you think you’ll get low marks but freaked out because all you know about the subject that you are appearing in is the spelling of the subject and you’re appearing in it. You can imagine yourself to be the red faced guy with a book in hand who’s not exactly reading it! But is turning whatever page the other fellows are talking about. Then you think to yourself; god!! Exam sarye ni hunthyo!! “Sare ta sure padhtheye” all you get is a laugh from those nerds surrounding you who know everything but they don’t; and they strictly do not know anything…that is why the add a paper…15 min after the exam starts… then come the “Khadus miss haru” Timi haru le apron, marker, admit card layeko cha ki chiana? Apron layera admit card haat la liera line basne!! Question paper liney!! Ani start the exam and stop talking. At this point, I know you don’t want that to happen and yet you have to do it…you select one of the question paper and according to Newton’s third law of motion, as soon as you read the question and you throw out your reaction there’s a equal but opposite reaction and the question silently says “You’re fucked” with a smile…
Then you enter the lab!! Without a single idea of how are you going to do those things that are on the question paper?? There are something that you’ve never seen in you life before!! And just as you thought you could sneak in some cheats and books….the khadus teacher comes to you and takes away you cheat and at this moment its equal to you underwear!! Now you are figuratively naked…you take your seat!! Then you see a nerd sitting behind you and you ask him/her “timi lai aaucha” he says “kei aaudaina yar, thie pani hamro set nai alag alag cha” then you are fucked x 2 times… you start to curse your self for not opening the damn book for last 1 mths!! That you have and you curse your self for all those time wasting!!!! Chay pasal ma gareko hawa guff!! “aja ta ghar gaera sure padhchu ko guff” and everything you’ve done…at the time you cant do anything… then…you are compelled to talk with a “Girl” I repeat a girl!! That you have never talked to, in fact never seen in the college…and asks her!! “oe timi le 2 no. garyo!! And only if the luck wants you to get fucked more than x 3 will the girl say “no” but if 2 is your threshold!! Then!! Finally its your day!! And guess what!! You just attempted all the question and while you were keeping the test tubes proudly in the incubator…she’s still writing and you think to yourself???? What the hell is she writing? Just like I’m thinking now!! What the hell am I writing?

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Sonnet:01 For I thought the love I loved shall be mine

For I thought the love I loved shall be mine 
She with the stone heart was the one to deny  
A heart so pure inside, a man so fine  
Words speaks beauty and truth, not, never lie 
To change the thoughts, inside the one I loved
 Took time so long, that passes along now 
I was the one without an aim, so robbed 
The words are gone, so is she, so the vow  
Yet a day may come, for me to smile 
And her shadows sheltering me to death 
Words shall be spoken more clearly for while  
Not trust game of time, not to hold the breath 
But this heart will never let you go, dear 
Until I have some, breath left to spear

The imagination of contemporary poet

For years the way goes north  
And turns away till its round 
Thousand of hundreds it may take 
For the right word to be found 
It comes to a master piece  

And the world will cherish his memories  
The years may change so may the seasons 
Leaves may die, get a new life, and fill out the naked trees 
Yet he smiles his way in the white floor With his dynamic thoughts and hands 
For it may be just a while Until again he joins his fellow sands

A bystander

A bystander in one of the busiest bus stop of the city, all of sudden pulled my shirt and asked me "What is Life". I tried to ignore him, pretended doing something on my Ipod and letting him know that I was busy with "something" and totally not interested to answer his question. But once again he did the same and asked the same question and nothing more. I had to answer him to get rid of him. I turned off my Ipod and thought for a while. It was already a hectic day and now some unknown guy was asking me the question, for which I didn’t have any answer at that instant. All the running from the morning, the burning tyres and tear gases had made my day something near to awful and now. I had to answer what is life. I thought of leaving but I was in no mood to walk not even up to the next stop. I will answer him and get rid of him. All I could think about was the black smoke blocking the time of Ghantaghar and the eagles flying above the Rani Pokhari. I looked around as if I was searching for the answer around the wall of Durbar High School but all I got was stare from one of the greatest poet of Nepal Bhanu Bhakta Achayra. I don’t know how long I took, but all I could answer was I don’t know. Then lady came and asked me, where are all the buses? Thank god I said to myself and told her that because of the clashes in front of the college they were stuck in traffic jam. Oh god!! Why on earth do they have to do this each and everyday? Again I was left with no answer. If she had stopped for a while and asked me where I study then she would have asked for a reason why do they have to do that everyday but seems like she was pissed as much as I was and had no intention of eating my head in middle of the day in a "Bus station" with no buses not even the likes of bicycles. Now again I was left with the man who I suppose was drunk as hell and kicked out of his office or even his house. Once again he asked me the same question pulling my shirt. I don’t think you heard me the second time but I don’t know the answer and I'm in no mood of answering that right now. Why don’t you go to some busy place where you can get yourself a crowd and have different opinion and chose the best one out, and if you have any other question as well. All of sudden he started to talk, My wife, she just died of some disease that I couldn’t understand. He pulled something out of the bag and handed it to me. I thought to myself, not interested huh? Sometime in life you just have to be interested even if you don’t want to. It was some kind of paper, like a hospital receipt, which read "Bir Hospital" at the top. It was like some kind of bible in there, oh dear god she was sick. There were things that I didn’t get as well first a doctors hand writing and the there were diseases I never dreamed to hear of. Being a student of science I knew that she had some kind of lungs disease there were words like alveoli bronchioles which I had heard of. And word Emphysema was written more than twice and was circled more than one. I had never heard the word till that day but now I know that it means loss of elastic fibers around alveoli which causes their over inflation. And then I assume she died of lung cancer there were words something like sarcoma which meant cancer. I never thought how to react after I complete reading the paper he handed to me. Now I was there I was sure she died of cancer and what should I say now. I handed the paper back to her and 1st time today he said sorry for bothering me, which I didn’t, wanted to hear, I would have a few moments ago but now? I said that I was sorry as well for not responding to his question, who would have answered that anyway? Until and unless it's in front of camera or some national television program. There was a moment of pause and I wanted to get out of there, but now I couldn’t. I was really troubled at that time. The clashes seemed like they were never going to end and the "Bus" was never going to come and the guy beside me was never going to stop talking.Again he broke the silence, It was three months ago that I first came to Kathmandu with my wife. She have had the pain for more than a year but, the place where I come from, I was told that it was nothing just the cold she was suffering from. The health post, which is almost as store room where compounder's as we call him there visited us as tourists. I had to do something about her, she used to cry every night with pain and I had promised to keep her healthy and happy forever and I had to keep the vows. I just didn’t know how. Then the only option I had was to bring her here. I arranged some money and came here but, the amount that I brought was a needle in a haystack in this place. I thought I'd be back before I knew and I wont need more money but. And now I know that even if I had it wouldn’t have matter. They say it can't be cured. "Cancer Vanda Rahechan babu teslai sabai lai lancha re nagarib na dhani". I could see the tears shinning, and ready to fall. Two years ago my mother died of diarrhea. I couldn’t do anything at time and again I couldn’t do anything. The tragedy of death isn’t the death itself but its watching someone die in front of you and you can't do anything. I don’t know there wasn’t much in my life before and now ill get on the bus and go home and there wont be much but I have to live with the fact there's no one with me and I've got nothing.
Theoretically I don’t see the reason to live and practically I just can't die. Last night I saw my wife burning in front of my eyes I remembered how we met, our marriage and everything we had dreamed of and before I had remembered everything the woman I loved and who loved me so much and was with me the day before was already turned into ashes and the priest was cleaning up the ashes. Now today the dream has shattered into billion pieces and I just can't find the proper way to make it one again. I don’t have a house to live in, I don’t have a family and above all I don't have money, I don’t know how am I going to pay the person I took the loan from. I even don’t know how I'm going to get on the bus. I had no idea of what to do next. I just had around 90 rupees and I offered to him but he refused to take it. I already have a lot of loan to pay I can’t take that anymore. I don’t know, I guess he didn’t want the money and he just wanted to speak his heart out but I might have mistaken him, and I suppose he felt ashamed and refused to take him, as he looked like he made the story for that. Now it got even more awkward. I'm once again sorry to have bothered you but I just wanted to talk with someone. I just said, I'm not bothered and I'm sorry as well for ignoring you before and for your loss. The man said nothing about that, he said look at that tire burning, and that is what reminded me of her. What is life then? Same thing happens when you burn a tire and a person, you just end of in ashes.
What exactly do we live for and for what reason do we die for? I asked you what life is; because I really want to know what life is, I wish I could ask this to the god himself but I guess that would take sometime and I wanted to know. What is he talking about? He was talking about something but my mind turned to something else for a moment, police were running towards me and agitators were throwing stones and whatever they found. I had to find a safe place.I walked pass the police and stayed behind them for a moment, they controlled the place of course for a while but before there were stones flying in the sky I was home already. I searched for that guy but he was gone. I don’t know where he went and how? But… I still don’t know what happened back there but, he asked me what life is just because he saw a tire burning which he compared with her wife burning? And what's wrong with me? I still can't answer that question. Is there really no answer or? It's just me who doesn’t have an answer. If I'll ever find that guy …yeah I'll ask him what life is!!! Now like he said I too want to know what life is.